theoldgirl: (nightfall)
theoldgirl ([personal profile] theoldgirl) wrote2009-10-23 04:14 am
Entry tags:

Not Broken, Not Whole. brb_gallifrey-verse

(Based on this thread.)

"He hasn't hurt anyone yet, has he?"

"He has hurt me," she wanted to say, and hadn't she made that clear enough when she told the Doctor that Zagreus had been harassing her while she was defenseless? With a history like theirs, he should realize what pain that horrible anomaly could inflict on her, how badly she wanted to never have to be near him again. So why didn't he?

Oh, but wouldn't that just be the perfect impression of one of the Doctor's little girls, begging him to pay attention to her, to come to her rescue. No, she wasn't going to sink that low. She was a TARDIS, not a helpless human being. Besides, Zagreus hadn't actually hurt her, not in the physical sense. He couldn't inflict any damage on her, with words as his only weapon. And yet...

The TARDIS shook her head and negated the Doctor's question firmly. Then she brought Miss Pollard's odd behavior to his attention, despite the fact that she couldn't care less what was happening to the girl. However, she knew that Zagreus was surely drawing enjoyment from it and, well, if the Doctor wasn't going to stop him for her sake, the least he could do was ruin his fun.

Of course, the Doctor turned all concern and care at the mention of his precious Charlotte. As predictable as it was, it still stung. What was it about her, and really all his companions, that made him so much more attentive to them?

But no, that wasn't a fair thought and the TARDIS quickly scolded herself for it. In those peaceful hours when the humans would sleep, the Doctor often tended to her, carrying out small repairs or trying new modifications to make her more efficient. She knew he enjoyed the time spent free of any distractions, focusing only on her, just as much as she did. And the reason why he appeared more concerned about humans was simply the fact that they were so fragile and short-lived creatures, while he knew that he could trust her to deal with anything he might have to ask of her.

She knew all this and it was silly to even consider such a petty and human emotion as jealousy. There was nothing more intimate and lasting than the bond between a TARDIS and a Time Lord, and no human would even stand a chance at coming between them.

Why was it, then, that she had to remind herself of these things in the first place? Why was she plagued by questions and conflicting emotions that a TARDIS in her right mind never ought to have? And most of all, why did she feel defenseless when Zagreus doubted her Doctor's love?

The TARDIS stood surveying the fair ground and burnt down remains of the ferris wheel long after the Doctor had left to search for his friends. In her mind, she went back and forth between unconditional loyalty and painful doubts, wondering what it would take to make everything go back to the way it was before Zagreus' return...